Begining it all again

Deep breath
Ok, I am starting the fitness/weigh loss work again.
In some ways it is good news. I want this, I want to look and feel better. It does not make me feel good when I am always the last one running or doing exercises at sword.
I am not happy that I can't do a real sit up because my belly is too big
I also am not happy with being told that my "ideal" weight is 130 pounds less than I weigh right now.
There is good news in all this and bad news.
Good news- Starting this morning My weight is 314.6 though I feel bad about this 2 years ago when I started going to the gym and thinking about my weight I was up to 322 so at least I am down from there.
Bad news- In the last 2 years I have been down to 298 on several occasions.
Honestly I have never been at my "ideal" weight, hell when I was born I weighed twice what the adverage is for babies born in the U.S. I have not weighed 175 which is supposedly my "ideal" since the summer between jr high school and High School. For years I stayed at 275 and felt bad about it but felt good that I was not over 300. Now i get to work backwards towards 275 yes it is only 40 pounds down but that seems like a whole hell of a lot from where I am standing.
I have to do this. I have seen too many people I know with health complications due to being overweight or not living healthy, and it is far better now than in 40 years when I am pushing 70 and have diabetes because I did not make healthy changes in time. Along the way I know I am going to face some challenges. Part of the reason I eat or stay where I am is emotional problems or mental blocks I have and need to work out diffrently. For the time being my plan is to work cardio as well as lifting to gain muscule mass and loose fat. I am also making a rule that I can't eat out as much as I am sure that is contributing to the problem much more than it needs to be. Along with those things I am cutting back my calorie intake, I did this before and it made a huge diffrence. Where there was a lunch consisting of 600 calories or more, I am replacing with a can of soup whish has 180. I was not hungry doing this before and if I can cut to it now it will make a huge diffrence.
It is also my intention to post on the blog on a regular basis to get support and be really honest with myself on where I am with things. It takes a lot to admit you have a problem, it takes a lot to admit that you weigh enough to be a person and almost 2 of your size. Right now I am not shooting high for the goal. I don't think I would look good at 175 but for now I am looking at 300 as a starting goal, then maybe 15 each as I come down. This is not going to be easy but I am not sure I have a choice to sit back and do nothing anymore.